"But This Goes Against What My Parents Taught Me!        Or (Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue!)"                                         by Nerissa                                          (2004) My cultural book is called The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. This was a very sad book that made me think. I really didn't know what book to choose, but I settled with Toni Morrison because I knew she is a good writer. The main thing I got out of this story was over-emphasis of the importance of physical beauty and competition in a European society. Before I took this course, I had not heard of culturally responsive pedagogy. I had heard of the term critical literacy, but I did not truly understand the concept. When I took the African Self-Consciousness Scale I scored in the indifferent range. This was surprising to me because I didn't consider myself indifferent to my culture. I have always considered myself black instead of African. I used to think that I could not call myself African unless I recently came from the African continent; however this course has helped me think differently. Now I realize that I am African even if I have been in the United States for a while. I believe that we as African American people oppress ourselves when we try to conform to the ways of the white man instead of being proud of who we truly are. In my opinion, this book showed a good picture of how African Americans deal with living in a white man's world while struggling to discover themselves. The beginning of the book was confusing at first because I didn't know who was talking. The quaint world of perfect Jane and perfect Dick was a symbol of a world that doesn't truly exist.  However this is the type of image that the dominant culture wants us to think exists so that we as a people will not be happy with our own world. Pecola is the main character; her story is told by Claudia. The setting is in a rural southern area. I could relate to growing up in the south and being looked down upon when getting sick because this used to happen to me. Throughout this book I saw many symbols of whiteness and images of white domination. One example was the Shirley Temple cup. Shirley Temple was viewed as the perfect girl with her blond hair and blue eyes. Pecola fantasized and idolized over Shirley because she was not happy with her own life. She felt she was black and ugly. There was nothing about herself that she was proud of. The whole idea of being one with Mary Jane through the "orgasms" was foreign to me. Somehow Pecola felt that being Mary Jane would solve her problems when in actuality, it never could. As I think back I can recall one instance where I wanted to be white. When I was in kindergarten, I was a big fan of the show Family Feud. I would watch it every day on our 13 inch black and white TV. Most of the time there would be a white family against a black family. It seemed to me that the white family always won the games and prizes. I concluded within myself that if I were white I would win too. To this day, I remember actually crying to my parents that I wanted to be white. I believe that the dominant culture wants Africans to have that mindset that they are inadequate to win in life on their own and that they must conform to be happy. In our society today there is so much unnecessary emphasis on the outer appearance and beauty that it sickens me. The image of the perfect figure is usually a size 6 white women with long hair, small waist and large breasts. Television shows like The Swan or American Makeover only seek to perpetuate the idea that there is only one truly beautiful figure. I dislike the increased popularity of body altering surgery that has changes people in unnatural ways. In addition, Pecola didn't have very loving parents. It was hard for her mother to reach out to her because her mother did not love herself. Obviously this self-hatred rubbed off on Pecola. It was clear that her mother did not want to claim her because she did not allow her own child to call her mother. The first step of critical literacy is accepting oneself. No one can teach someone to love another if they can not love themselves. Her father was not much of a lover either because he rarely even talked to Pecola. His painful experience of being forced to have sex in the woods help add to his pain and self hatred of himself. Pecola did not want blue eyes just because they were pretty. She wanted them because she thought they would bring happiness. When people do not love themselves, it is easy to hold bitterness and anger within. Many times that bitterness and that ever revolving struggle to accept oneself leads people to hurt the ones they love. I think this is why Pecola's father raped her. As I read the story and saw the instances of racism and efforts to conform, my mind kept referring back to what my parents told me as a young child. While they told me to be proud of who I was, they contradicted themselves simultaneously. I was always told as a child that if I wanted to succeed I had to play the white man's game. They told me to talk proper when I got around white people and to not talk too much about black peoples' rights. My mother told me that when I go in for an interview or fill out applications to think and sound like a white person and I would be in a better position to get the job. As I got older, I began to understand what they were telling me. I found myself conforming to the European way of thinking and doing. I was always taught to fight and fend for myself and not to worry about my neighbor. Now I know that this is totally out of nature as an African       person. Although my parents didn't realize it, they were in effect telling me that I needed to have blue eyes to be happy. All in all, the message I took from the book was to love myself. There are some things that I cannot change like where I was born, my ethnicity and my roots. I believe the sooner I accept them the better able I will be to love those around me. This course has helped me to better accept and love my brown eyes and I am glad to say that I don't want to be white anymore.